It all started with a Porn Mag
by JapFreaky
Summary: Where Aomine just wants to get his porn magazine, and Kise just happens to get in his way. Of course, the only thing that Aomine notices is the ridiculously long eyelashes of the blond. AoKise AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! This is actually a collab by my best friend, henceforth Mania and me, henceforth Pasta. We're a bit crazy and so yeah. Anyway. Inspiration was on the day before our biology exam. I don't even know how that happened. We were talking about me getting a job at the supermarket and then... Well, spontaneous mutation, I guess. And all the ideas (that we have now, minus one) was like done in that 45 minutes before we retired for dinner and to... study?**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1: whereby Aomine is a lazy pig and a barbie judges his taste<br>**

* * *

><p>"Good afternoon! It's a great day, isn't it?"<p>

Holding the door of the convenience store, Aomine stared at the owner of the voice. Was he talking to him? The blond cashier beamed back at him. Aomine narrowed his eyes and ignored him, turning his back to him as he walked to the magazine racks. He could almost feel the dejected look on his back and he scowled.

_It's too early for this shit. _

'_Sides, what's this annoying Barbie doing here as a cashier?_

The lanky teenager shuffled over the magazines racks, approaching the one where he usually found his favourite gravures. He scanned the covers like an expert and immediately spotted the bountiful assets of his favourite Horikata Mai.

He had seen the previews of the snapshots in the previous magazine, and had been waiting for a month to snag this new edition. Aomine's gaze wandered to the model on the cover page—posing in a revealing nurse uniform, legs wrapped enticingly around an oversized syringe. His eyes immediately zoned in on the seductive look on her obsidian eyes, a slender finger placed on the baby pink lips.

Without a second of hesitation, the hormonal teenager grabbed the magazine off the rack—proceeding to the counter immediately.

All he wanted to do was to get home and indulge in the "bountiful assets" he termed.

Sauntering up to the counter, Aomine set the magazine on the metal surface with an extremely pleased expression.

The male barbie glanced at the title and cover of the teenager's treasure, and his eyes widened slightly.

He coughed, letting slip a small laugh.

Aomine glared.

The blond attendant proceeded to slide the barcode of the magazine over an electronic scanner—but to his surprise (and to Aomine's agitation), there was no indication of the magazine being scanned.

Aomine clicked his tongue, waiting impatiently for the familiar 'beep' while drumming his fingers on the surface of the counter.

At every try, the cashier became more and more anxious. What with a customer glaring down his back, and the immense pressure that he exuded, the attendant found his fingers trembling slightly.

"E-Ehh? Eh?" He panicked, sliding the magazine over the scanner again and again.

Unfortunately for him, Aomine was starting to feel the vein in his head burst.

"Oi, get on with it already," He growled.

The male barbie jumped, startled. "I'm terribly sorry, it's just—this machine…"

"What's a blond dumbass who can't even scan a magazine properly like you doing here?"

The attendant gulped. "Will it be alright if you get another magazine—"

"It's the only one left."

"T-Then can't you choose another model…?"

"_**No**_."

"Huh? But why—"

"I only read Mai-chan's."

"There are tons of better models than her…" The attendant muttered under his breath, still in the midst of trying to scan the magazine successfully.

"WHAT?!"

"It's nothing!"

"What are you going to do about this, you stupid blond?"

"Um…If you really can't choose another magazine, then I suggest you wait until the next stock comes...?" The cashier suggested in a small voice.

Aomine was speechless.

_This has gotta be the worst day of my life._

The lanky teenager clenched his teeth and balled his fists. "You...I'll fucking remember this—"

"I-It's just a magazine! Please don't—"

"JUST A MAGAZINE?! A BLOND IDIOT LIKE YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND THE BEAUTY OF BIG RACKS—"

"H-Haa? Big racks? What are you—a pervert?"

"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A PERVERT YOU STUPID BLOND! EVERY HEALTHY SIXTEEN YEAR OLD SHOULD KNOW THE BEAUTY OF BOOBS!"

"I'm sixteen too! But I don't get this craving! Aren't you just a pervert?" The cashier couldn't resist saying.

"THEN AREN'T YOU THE WEIRD ONE HERE. And what's with those eyelashes? Maybe you are actually a gir—"

The blond's eyes widened—

"You two shouldn't fight in the convenience store, Kise-kun, Aomine-kun." A voice spoke up from beside the raging teenager, abruptly cutting off Aomine.

"Wha—" Aomine drew back in shock.

"Waah, Kurokocchi! Save me!" The blond—Kise—immediately pounced on the light-blue haired teenager.

"Kise-kun, please get off me. You're heavy."

"Tetsu, when have you been here? And you know this asshole?"

"The entire time. Yes."

"Kurokocchi! A ganguro kurosuke pervert was lashing out at me!"

"OI! Who's a ganguro kurosuke pervert?"

"Aomine-kun, are you buying gravure magazines again?"

"So what if I am?"

"Aomine-kun, I believe that the next stock of your favourite gravure model's magazines will arrive next week."

"H-HAAA? Next week? Oi barbie, is that true?" The teenager panicked, turning onto the idiotic blond clinging onto Kuroko.

"Well...yes…"

"Arghh dammit…" Aomine buried his head in his left arm, while his right banged the counter repeatedly. "This is all your fault!"

"Aomine-kun, if you can't wait, you could read it here," Kuroko suggested expressionlessly.

"...ku…" The frustrated sixteen-year-old choked, and surprisingly, contemplated the decision.

But even _he_ could not stand the idea of reading his gravure magazine in public.

Upon the sight of Aomine's distressed expression, Kuroko thought of something else.

"How about going to the next convenience store?" He suggested blankly, turning to his taller friend.

The lanky teenager thought about that.

And then he remembered that the next convenience store was at the train station—which meant that he had to walk the distance of an ENTIRE...carpark.

He was _**way**_ too lazy to do that.

Aomine could not fathom how people would ever want to walk a carpark-long distance;he would rather use that energy to sleep. _That's fucking insane!_

And so he gave in.

"Argh, fine. I'll fucking come back next week," He turned to the barbie hiding behind his friend, and shot daggers. "You. You better reserve one for me, you got it?" He voiced dangerously.

Kise nodded his head fervently.

Aomine narrowed his eyes, leaning over Kuroko to catch a glimpse of the name tag on the blond's uniform.

"Kise Ryouta. You're dead if I don't see it next week."

Then he left, making sure to crank the glass doors loudly before sauntering down the road.

Kise let out a sigh of relief. "Kurokocchi, you're a life saver!"

The light-blue-haired teenager turned the edges of his lips up, "I didn't do anything."

Kise beamed in response, and spontaneously grabbed a popsicle from the refrigerator. "My treat!"

* * *

><p>Luckily for both the customer and cashier, neither got into trouble for making a din, or making a customer upset.<p>

However, no one did stop and consider: _How did Kuroko know that Aomine's gravure magazines would come in stock the next week? _

* * *

><p><strong>And that's the first chapter. Updates will be inconsistent. And this fic will probably be a cluster of incidents. Also, Mania here has an account of her own here (RunItsMaru) but she barely uses it so.. :**

**A review will be greatly appreciated!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello, this is chapter 2 now! To be honest, I didn't expect to take so long with chapter 2. Guess that's what happens when there isn't a fixed updating schedule. I swear to god, I've never used so many vulgarities, and about 95% of it is because of Aomine, and well, this chapter. Basically.**

**This chapter being pointless and all about shit, or so Mania said. Anyway, hope that you guys enjoy!  
><strong>

**And to the Guest and Tinta Biru who commented on the last chapter, thank you for leaving a review! Glad you guys enjoyed it!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2: whereby Aomine screams shit and Kise only cares about his eyebrows<strong>

* * *

><p>The alarm gave a shrill rang.<p>

Its owner registered the ear-piercing sound, rolled over, covered his ears with his pillow, and—after realising that it wasn't enough—slammed the device shut.

Aomine groaned, rising from his bed slowly, steadily.

"Ah, fuck. It's all because of that stupid blond that I have to wake up so fucking early, and go to that stupid convenience store again to get my Mai-chan," The teenager cursed, yawning and scratching a random spot under his t-shirt.

But the thought of his beloved model brought him back to his senses, willing his feet to the bathroom—and before Aomine knew it, he was out of his room and descending the stairs, two by two.

As the navy-haired teenager passed the kitchen, his eyes caught a glimpse of a blue bento box on the dining table.

He approached it, noticing a note attached to the top of the container. It read: _Dai-chan! I'm giving some of Yui-chan's sushi. She made too many so you can have some! Thank me later~ *heart*_

Aomine snorted, popped open the bento box, and sent a slice of maki into his mouth. Feeling that it tasted quite alright, he ate two more-before grabbing his wallet, keys, mobile, and making his way to the convenience store.

A cool breeze swept through the streets, and the dim sky indicated how early Aomine was.

Just to see his Mai-chan.

However, as the lanky teenager waited at the cross-roads for the green-light, a strange sensation stirred in his gut.

There was a slight tingling—before it turned into a more severe gurgling, then, finally, a vigorous churning.

Aomine was having a stomach ache.

_Shit. What luck, a stomach ache just when I'm gonna see Mai-chan. What the hell could have_—

And then, as he crossed the road, it hit him.

_That...that fucking sushi! There's definitely something wrong with it. Damn, Satsuki that liar. She must have made those herself...making me her shitty guinea pig all the time… _

As the teenager clutched his stomach, he had much difficulty making his way to the convenience store, even though it was just a street away.

He walked (awkwardly) to the entrance of the twenty-four-hour store, waited for the automatic glass doors to open, and stepped in.

"Oi, Takao, do you sell body sponges?" a green-haired teenager asked an unfamiliar raven at the counter.

"Eh? Sorry, sorry, we don't have any here, Shin-chan," the guy at the counter replied with a vigour that was way too bright for the tanned teenager's stomach.

_What the heck? Isn't it the stupid Barbie's shift now? Who is he supposed to bash if his magazine isn't here?_

"Ah, but Shin-chan, if you want a body sponge, you know you can have me takeaway. Isn't it a brilliant alternative? I know I can do a good— no, or even a better job."

Aomine froze, his widened eyes taking in the bespectacled customer, who spluttered and choked. The raven grinned, "What do you think, Shin-chan?"

_This._

"D-D-Don't be ridiculous, Takao! A-And I told you not to call me by that nickname. Don't act so familiar with me!"

"Aww, but I cost cheaper than a body sponge you know? I'm totally free, Shin-chan!"

_This._

Aomine's stomach dropped at the blatant flirting. Despite the stomachache he was having, he was pretty sure—no absolutely sure that the raven was a guy and 'Shin-chan' too was 100% a male.

The tanned teenager thought he saw saw pink and hearts surrounding the cashier as he propped his head on his hands as he leaned towards the customer.

_**What the actual fuck**_—

"Where's the toilet?" Aomine managed.

"You know, Shin-chan, you have very long eyelashes—"

"I'm asking you a question—"

"And your hair is so smooth and pretty you know—"

"CAN YOU STOP THE FUCKING FLIRTING? WHERE IS THE FUCKING TOILET? I SWEAR I'LL TAKE A SHIT RIGHT HERE IF YOU DON'T—"

"I can touch it all night~"

"I SWEAR, A BABY WILL COME RIGHT OUT OF MY FUCKING—"

_That_, got the cashier's attention.

"Baby?" The raven looked as if he actually considered the possibility, "But you're a...guy," He ended with a raised eyebrow.

The green-haired customer brought his head to his hands, as if in disbelief. Aomine, indeed, felt like his bladder (if shit _**does**_ come out from the bladder, but who the fuck cares anyway) was going to burst—and for a moment, he was afraid that a baby _would _come right of it.

"Need me to call an ambulance?" The raven asked cluelessly, and Aomine felt like he would go into the _Zone_ just to punch this guy.

"I TOLD YOU I NEED THE FUCKING _**TOILET**_!" Aomine was close to roaring.

The cashier jerked his thumb towards a dingy looking door. "It's there if you really want to conceive in a convenience store, I don't think it's a good spot to pick though—"

Without hesitation, Aomine darted through the door, turned a couple of corridors in an awkward manner, and finally, _finally_, saw the standard sign used to indicate a male restroom.

"FUCKING YES!" Aomine slammed the door open with so much relief that he nearly relaxed enough for his shit to—

A male barbie stood before the sink with a marker positioned before an eye, his golden eyes staring blankly at the intruder. _What, so he __**does **__have his shift now._

Blue eyes zoomed in on the black marker in the blond's hand and for a moment, he thought Kise was going to draw on his own face (which actually doesn't make any sense. Not like he's playing a prank on himself or anything. That's just stupid.) before he fully comprehend with shock what that marker actually was.

"Are you using an _eyeliner_?"

Kise shrunk back at the almost insulting tone. "S-So what if I am?"

"Are you a girl? Why the hell do you use that shit?"

"Guys use beauty products too!"

"Beauty prod—"

That was when he saw it.

He saw it.

The entire sink was filled. With bottles of face wash, foundation, hand cream and all the other things that he only knew because of Satsuki and her girly self.

"Y-You! What the fuck are those?"

"Huh?" The blond put down the eyeliner and picked up a mascara. Leaning closer to the mirror, he applied it expertly, no longer caring about the tanned male. "You can tell right? Just stuff to protect my face. And well, to maintain my beauty too."

Wait, did this guy just say maintain his _beauty_? Granted, he was a barbie but he was a guy. And for a guy, he was way too girly. He couldn't resist saying teasingly, "You sure you're a guy?"

Kise shot an offending look at him. "That's rude. I'm a guy. You can tell by seeing."

Aomine stared at the blond's long eyelashes which was made longer by the second. "Wait, could it be...that you're putting on fake eyelashes too?" Aomine dealt the final blow with a smirk on his face.

Kise nearly dropped the mascara. "What— How did you come to that conclusion? And why would I put on fake eyelashes?"

"Are you sure it's real?" Aomine confirmed with a mocking tone, "Well, that's some _**really**_ long eyelashes."

"It's real!" Kise insisted, "And is that supposed to be a compliment?"

"Of course not," Aomine lied through his teeth. The last thing he would want to admit was that he found Kise's eyelashes attractive. "It's an insult, you idiot."

"That's mean! And don't call me an idiot! You're the idiot for not seeing the beauty of my eyelashes."

For some reason, Aomine felt a sudden urge to punch this guy. And he really didn't want to be called an idiot when he _did_ indeed appreciate his eyelashes. "... You're really annoying, you know that?"

"And you're rude! I can't believe you're Kurokocchi's friend." Huffing, he pouted as he put down the mascara before leaning forward to see his handiwork.

"Oi, what does Tetsu have to do with anything?"

"Everything, of course! Kurokocchi is an angel; he wouldn't make fun of my eyelashes! Unlike you."

"I bet he does, behind your back. That kind of eyelashes is stupid."

"Don't insult my eyelashes!" Kise defended. Pausing, he added, "! Aren't you here to do something?"

And that was when Aomine remembered—

"OH SHIT!" And he _literally_ did.

* * *

><p>Aomine felt as if he went through hell and came back alive.<p>

And for that—he was proud of himself.

Now, for his reward.

By the time he was out of that dingy door, the blonde barbie stood in the place of the raven cashier before—with the brightest smile on his face, and of course, the ridiculously long eyelashes that were further enhanced by...markers (or so Aomine had thought).

However, that was not the center of Aomine Daiki's attention. His gaze fixed on the sole magazine he had come for, his feet began to gravitate towards the magazine rack.

Finally, _finally_, after the torturous queue at the cashier and the judgmental gazes from the cashier himself—the navy-haired teenager had his prized possession in his hands.

"What's so interesting about a book of boobs…" The blonde teenager muttered under his breath. However, Aomine wasn't about to let anyone who insulted his dear Mai-chan's photo book get away with it.

His eyes whipped around to glare at Kise—

"Anyway, I figured you'd be interested in this," Just as Aomine was about spill vulgarities, Kise pointed to a poster of an ongoing promotion.

_Win a pair of tickets to Hawaii! Crystal clear seas, swaying coconut trees, dancing beauties and amazing sights await you! Simply pay a fee of 450 yen and try your luck with a hand-picked scratch card. No details or time wasted! _

_Try your luck today!_

Aomine raised an eyebrow, "And _why _would I be interested in this?"

"Well I thought you'd like to watch girls in grass skirts and coconut bras," The blonde turned away, pouting.

"Thanks, but...no thanks," The teenager grunted, exiting the convenience store with a lazy wave of his hand.

.

Little did Aomine know—that soon, he _would _be interested in a trip to Hawaii.

A trip to Hawaii, with a certain blonde-haired cashier.

* * *

><p><strong>We took a break in writing this fic at the end of Takao and Midorima's scene, and when we came back to this chapter, the both of us have forgotten how embarrassing we made Takao be. I was literally giggling like mad when I wrote it. Gah.<strong>

**Anyway, how did you find the chapter? Please feel free to drop a review!**


End file.
